Lost In the World
In Spring 2017, I decided to take pictures and do a story on my godmother’s house. Her house is very Chinese yet American, and I feel like I can connect better. However, when I arrived to her house it felt like home but I also felt like I did not belong there. I wanted to show my emotions in my story, but I did not know how to. I started taking pictures throughout my stay, trying to take pictures of her house; however, I decided I wanted to take pictures of her two sons and her. I went everywhere with them, watching their daily life, and taking pictures of them. Their life is very interesting, and it represent their home which is very Chinese and American. I decided to show that in my story, and I also wanted to show how they don’t really have an Identity, because they are Chinese but also not. They are in America, trying to live their life and fit in with society. For me it is painful to watch, because the idea of being lost is all over the pictures and their life. The husband is out of the picture, because he is working in China, therefore I can see him everywhere in the house but not in their life. He is barely mentioned in conversations and their life, which is sad to watch. I feel like he is watching everyone but he is not in their life, because of the distance.
The pictures I took can not represent my feelings, therefore I decided to take some pictures of myself. This is a challenge, because I do not want this to look like a selfie, I wanted it to look like my feelings. I sat in front of a mirror, and took a few pictures, but they do not fit my emotions and show how I feel. By accident, I took pictures of me but the camera moved, so I became blurry, which gave a ghost feeling. I really liked the idea, so I decided to slow my shutter speed, and take pictures while moving my face, using different facial expressions. I took around 20 pictures, and I really like how it came out. The blurry, ghost feeling shows how I do not belong here, and shows the idea of a lost identity. The different facial expressions also show how my feelings are, because they are not full of just one emotion, instead there are complex feelings. I made myself black and white, and the family portraits black and white as well, because my feelings and the whole family are not present.
